SEXUALITY IS NOT ABOUT THE GENITAL


I think that human sexuality, as distinct from genital sex, is rooted in the constant need humans have to experience intimacy. We humans have all experienced separation so much, and we believe in separation so much, that we constantly are left feeling along and abandoned. At times like that, we look for some way (any way) to connect.

For many, the easiest way to feel connected is through genital sex (real or imagined). But, in actual fact, humans best connect for intimacy without genital sex. Think of all the wonderful experiences of human intimacy that are not genital--with family and with others with whom we share our lives (buddies in AA, at school, on the battlefield or in faith relationships). Those are powerful opportunities to satisfy human sexuality. In fact, genital sex never rises to the level of human sexuality unless it at least begins to foster the kind of intimacy where we know that we are known and embraced just the way we are.

I know that what I am saying must sound absurd. We have been brainwashed into thinking that only genital sex satisfies all our needs and that everyone has a "right" to genital sex. The Church has correctly, I believe, steered us in the direction that says: Everyone has a right to intimacy (without genital sex). Admittedly, we humans are not very good at intimacy; so, we reach out for more primitive ways to feel connected--genital sex is a very powerful and easy way to compensate when we are lacking in true intimacy.

 

  2014 Rev. John Vogler